


Diamond Man

by Truffletarts



Category: One Piece, Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Snippets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:47:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25024138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Truffletarts/pseuds/Truffletarts
Summary: "You"—And Nami still can't believe she's pointing at a giant pink lion of all things—"Can put anything in there. Infinite gold, beli, diamonds," she shakes her arms wildly, almost too angry for words. "Literally anything and you choose... meat." Because of course—of fucking course—this food-obsessed idiot would."Shishishishi, of course I did! Lion's the best meat locker ever!"
Comments: 12
Kudos: 37





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have another name on ffnet I go by (PoorMan'sWriter), so if you see this recently published on there then yes, it's me.

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It's mid-summer in East Blue. Warm ocean currents from the south greet the islands and its calm waters.

So, of course, that means Garp goes home, on vacation that is. Though, no one had deemed it essential to inform Garp about this new development. It not until he's off his ship—and unfortunately too far inland—that he finds out. What is supposed to be a one-day checkup on everyone becomes an extended stay.

Makiko's daughter, little Makino, points out the bar window to the shoreline as he's greeting her mother. A wide gap-tooth grin spans every inch of that twelve-year-old face just before she shouts, "Look, Mr. Garp, your ship is leaving!"

A strangled sort of 'humpf' like sound escapes his mouth as the marine chokes on his drink. He turns to the window and looks.

Garp's ship was racing out of the docking yard, headed straight for the open sea. A giant banner spanning its rear spelling out 'Enjoy Your Vacation, Captain!' and 'We left your suitcase with Mrs. Makiko.'

Makiko, puts a hand up to her lips, hiding an amused little grin as she says, "My, my, I'm glad you decided to come home for your break Garp. The entire village will be so glad to know you're staying with us for the time being."

Garp blinks, too surprised for anger. Mutiny is quite a bold strategy, too bold even.

None of the men have the _balls._ This ... this is something else.

He uses the den den mushi from Makiko's bar to phone Sengoku. _That_ particular conversation is interesting, to say the least.

Ordering every marine vessel in East Blue not to get within a thousand yards of Dawn Island for the next three months is a bit much, though.

What does Sengoku even mean by, 'If I don't start to doing this at least twice a year, HQ wouldn't survive nor would my patience.' Garp is nothing, if not a man dedicated to his job.

He even listens when they nag him to use a door, sometimes.

Once a week, at least.

After all, if the cabin boys can't handle a little enthusiasm here and there, they'll never make it sailing here on the weakest sea, let alone the Grand Line. East Blue tends to baby its marines a little too much for Garp's taste. Here, the waters are far calmer, and the men even tamer. Not keeping his crew on their toes now is a disservice to their future. There's too much trouble stirring in the world not to.

His crew wave to him in the distance. They're all a bit too happy for his suspicions, but he supposes nothing's going to crash and burn just yet.

And if it does, then it's not his problem for the time being now is it?

Garp knows when to pick his battle, so when the Fleet Admiral goes to such lengths to ensure he goes home, _Garp goes home._

Only when he gets there, he finds something has beaten him to the front steps.

* * *

There's a lion on his doorstep.

It's pink from head to toe and yawns the sleep from its eyes in the time it takes Garp to approach. Even the mane is some fantastic shade of that rosy color—All bright and entirely out of the ordinary. The beast just lays there; it's feet and legs sprawled about the front steps, basking in the afternoon sun like an overgrown house cat.

Garp stares it down, a finger up his nose while he contemplates his "guest." The forest here that surrounds the Goa Kingdom is home to all manner of wild creatures. Most are at least twice this cat's mass and smart enough to get out the way long before Garp is on the prowl.

Not this one, though.

This one just stares at Garp with a strange intensity, head cocked curiously and nostrils flaring, sniffing. Then its ears twitch and something weird—not _Grand Line weird_ , but still _weird_ —starts happening to its mane. The hair ripples and sways, practically bulging on one side.

Garp grunts, surprised because is that a basket?

Yes, yes, it is.

A basket has just pop's into existence, springing forth straight from the lion's mane, falling right at Garp's feet.

And of course, there's a baby in it.

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_What_

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And there's a note on the baby's belly.

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_What_

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Swiping the letter with his hand—why is there a goddamn gemstone embedded in the kid's navel!?—Garp can already tell it going to be one of those days.

He takes a second to squint down at the slip of paper. There's barely more than a sentence and—

—A raging scream builds up in his chest.

_He knows that goddamn chicken-scratch handwriting!_

* * *

_Take good care of Luffy, shitty Jiji._

_-Dragon_

* * *

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The World Government will never get the privilege of executing Dragon.

_Garp is going to beat them all to the punch._

(God help him deal with his shitty son and his— ~~ _dangerous, idiotic, pipe dreams_~~ —poor choices)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted this chapter to be the one the summary is based on, but Nami is being so difficult to write. I ended up finishing this one first. Also went back and did some editing on the first chapter.

Garp's bi-yearly visit starts normal enough. He walks into the open doorway—Luffy always forgets to lock the damn thing—dawning one of his favorite tropical vacation shirts. The suitcase slung over his shoulder is deposited into a nearby table.

The boy is home, Garp can feel it, but the house is strangely silent. The kind of quiet that nothing good can come from.

Suspicious, the marine goes on the hunt. 

* * *

Luffy, as it turns out, is busy in the living room. Garp peers down at the boy's humming figure from the doorway. He's hunched over a pile of papers, applying a liberal coating of paint onto his latest doodle. There's a big mess of markers and crayons all over the ground. Badly drawn ships and flags are duck-tapped to every square inch of wall.

Garp can't make heads or tails of it, so he walks in without a word. It's very easy to sneak up on his grandson when he's not trying to be noticed. The kid is about as self-aware as a rock.

"Luffy, what are you doing." And where did he get that straw hat? Garp feels an itch in the corner of his mind like he's seen that damn thing _somewhere_ important. 

"Pirate _kin—muph"_ Luffy's arms spring to action, seemingly on their own, looping around his face to clamp his trap shut. His head spins back in forth in denial. The paintbrush, once in his hand, hits the floor with a loud _SMACK._

Lion trots out from behind a chair, going around Luffy's shaking figure to bend down and sniff the fresh ink staining the carpet. The big cat is sporting a bandanna with a crudely drawn Jolly Roger tied across his forehead. A similar one is taped to his grandson's shirt.

Garp blinks, narrows his eyes, re-evaluates what Luffy had just blurted out, and zeroes on the offending word of his ire. His face turns a fantastic shade of red-purple where the visible vein in his head throbs. 

_Pirate_

The smile that spreads across the older man's face is wide and menacing with the promise of pain. Luffy shudders. A silent Garp is more dangerous than a loud one. Even he knows this singular truth.

The old marine practically _growls,_ and Lion is yanked behind him into the hallway before Luffy can even think about it.

How the boy often manages to stuff himself inside all that hair, Garp just doesn't know. He has sailed the seas for years, been to hundreds of the weirdest islands know and unknown to mankind alike, and the secrets of Luffy's affinity to Lion's mane remain a mystery.

But with any chance of escape outside Luffy's reach, Garp moves onto bigger matters. Like who does he have to put the fear of God into for daring to inspire goals like _PIRATING_ into his grandson's empty little head?

Foosha is a quiet little village surrounded by miles of forests and coastal farmland. Crime is reasonably sparse within its expanses and rarely comes from outside or in it. The waters surround this side of Dawn Island are Garp's home turf. _Everybody_ knows this, especially pirates. Most don't even think about coming within a hundred miles of the place.

Not even the incredibly dumb ones.

That leaves the more powerful and dangerous kind, doesn't it? _H_ _ow does Luffy even find these people?!_

Giant hands snatch the front of Luffy's shirt, and he goes limp as he's ragged dolled by the shaking fists of his grandfather.

"WHO WAS IT, BOY? WHO DOES GRANDPA NEEDS TO MAKE AN EXAMPLE OF?" 

Snotty tears in his eyes, Luffy throws up his fists and screams, "A-A PIRATE DIDN'T TELL ME!" The boy is a terrible, terrible liar, but let it not be said that he wasn't stubborn. Garp can already make out that budding defiance in his grandsons comically wide, terrified eyes. 

Of all the traits of Dragon to show up now, it has to be that constant need to be so goddamn _oppositional_. Garp is going to have his hands full these next three months.

"IT'S THE MARINES FOR YOU, BOY!" It takes no effort to sling Luffy—kicking and blubbering all the way—over his shoulders like a sack of ripe potatoes. He _knew_ he should have protested when "Bring Your Grandson To Work Day" was suddenly banned. He'd only come up with that one two days prior! How else was he supposed to show Luffy the ropes? Recruiting didn't start till a man was 15 at the earliest.

Some time away from the soft life of this quiet seaside village will do the boy some good. Maybe he can take the time to visit Dadan and check up on the other brat as well—

Luffy slips his clothes and drops to the floor like a heap of melted dough, becoming a squealing puddle of wriggling-writhing limbs and flesh goop.

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Garp stares, because _what the fu—_

A hand shoots out the door and slingshots the mass of flesh onto Lions back. Then his grandson—whole and perfectly reformed—retreats into the bottomless pit that is lion's mane.

Wearing his birthday suit no-less.

In the time it takes Garp to recover from _that,_ Lion disappears into an equally pink portal, hidden charge in tow.

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There are days—where the marine is neck-deep in the worst of grand line territory—less weird than this shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luffy has learned the power of shapeshift under threat of fear and pain, it's too bad it's gonna take a while before he figures out how to do it on command.
> 
> Also he would so abuse the shit out of Lion's portal abilities and dimension mane. I couldn't stop picturing it.

**Author's Note:**

> I've got another 1088 words of this split into various, unfinished snippets. I'm just gonna post whichever one I finish first.


End file.
